The Beginning

So, I am in a space where life around me is fleeting, but I have yet to discover my passion. My daily routine is wake up, workout, get dressed, go to work, pick the kids up, cook dinner, clean, watch tv while spending some time with the hubby. And each day the walls are closing in because I know God has more for me to do, and I feel I have a wall up and blinders on that keeps me from pursuing my passion. And I also feel like fear is keeping me from even knowing what is my passion. I have prayed, I have prayed, I have searched, and I have questioned those close to me about what is it I am to do. I don't feel God has us here on Earth to just live under the norm without changing others and without living life abundantly. If my outer self was doing what my inner self is doing, I think I will be in the hospital from Bumping my head against a brick wall, blood everywhere from me stripping away every layer in this thought process of finding me.

As a child I was always finding different ways to be creative, from making my dolls clothes to acting in front of the camera at grandma's house on the weekends. Growing up wasn't the best for me, I always dreamed of a life of stardom, some place to take me away from my surroundings. I found God, or God found me at an early age, He has always been there for me and that is what kept me from killing myself. Cause after the creative flow left, I was left with my reality. I will go more into my background in another entry. But to sum life up I have always felt trapped and I always thought that if I found my passion then I can escape. And at 32 years old, I am still searching.

In Highschool, I had this wonderful English teacher, and I found my love for poetry. And in College, I majored in English, and fell more in love with poetry. After a while, I lost that love. I don't think that is my passion. It's funny because after prayer, that still small voice saying write. I got excited, but afterwhile I thought should I write poetry, write a story. I am not the best when it comes to expressing myself clearly. My thoughts are usually all over the place. So out of the blue, blogging came to mind today, and I am going straight for it. No excuses, no second thoughts. I need a beginning, and this is it. And maybe I can Find Me, better yet, I can find the me God sees. And I know that it should be easier than this, but I have to remove this wall and these blinders and maybe the earplugs too, just to be able to clearly see, hear and feel what God has been trying to show me all along. I don't want to end up letting life pass, and still feeling trapped. I want my life of abundance that has been promised to me!